Night of the Living Will

The Terri Shiavo case has everybody thinking about living wills and instructions for killing them and whatnot. Here’s mine:

If I’m ever reduced to a comatose or vegetative state beyond the hope of cure by medical science, I want to be restored to health by the power of black magic. Spare no goats or chickens in the effort; let the hospice halls run red with the blood of sacrifices to Satanic powers.

If human sacrifice becomes necessary, make it somebody I don’t like. I hereby appoint bugsybanana as arbiter of whom I dislike, so don’t piss her off.

(Would “Dark Satanic Wills” have been a better title?)