Rut

[avram]

I’m in a rut. Rut, rut, rut. I can’t seem to get interested in anything, I just sit here wasting time in front of the computer all day, except when I occasionally go out and buy art supplies that I never seem to get around to doing anything interesting with. I need... I was going to say I need a smack in the head to snap me out of this, but I know too many people reading this who would take it with enthusiastic literalism. This isn’t being depressed, quite, it’s... My thoughts are chasing themselves around my head in circles. Images are flickering through my brain too quickly to get a fix on. I need something, but I don’t know what.

And tomorrow’s Saturday. One of the weird things about being unemployed is that it turns the week inside-out. Weekdays are when I can go out and travel the city, go to museums, see movies, whatever, knowing that as long as I avoid the subways around rush hour I won’t have to fight the crowds. Weekends are the days I want to stay at home, because everyone else is out.

Comments

[kiya]

I get that sort of rut sometimes; for me it is associated with depression. I find that what I need to do is overload myself so that, wherever my attention span lands, it's on something that needs done. So I have laundry to do, the stove to clean, work to pound on, the preoccupations of livejournal and usenet, Diablo II and Minesweeper, painting stencil designs in the upstairs hallway, weeding the garden, about four books I'm reading. . . .

Of course, all this means that what I _really_ want to do is geek a corner of relationship philosophy with someone who doesn't have time to talk with me right now. :P But I'm doing laundry anyway, and occasionally nagging at various people to help me design alternate-universe decks of cards so I can write this scene.

Dunno if that's any help. Probably not at the moment; it takes me getting a whole pile of stuff when I'm not brain-skittery.

[pocketnaomi.livejournal.com]

I do the same thing with weekdays. Weekdays, I have school, which gets me out of the house and focused. Then it's easy to go out and do things in the afternoon, or if I come home and just hang out in front of the computer, there are friends on to talk to. If I want to get minor household business done, stores are open and people answer my phone calls. Weekends are the long stretches where nobody I want to talk to is home, because *they're* all out doing things; Manny won't go most places with me because he keeps a stricter Shabbat than I do, and if I go alone everything closes by five; nobody who works with computers is online. I do a lot of reading and a lot of cleaning house, and not very much else.